Submitted via Private message….

I had a boarder who seemed totally nice and normal at first. Then she would start with little white lies. For example, she hired a really horrible, newish farrier in the area. When I mentioned that he was still learning and to maybe try another farrier, she swore that he was great and that her dad used to use this guy when she was growing up and he’d been her farrier for years (this farrier has only been around for about 2 years). Or when she told me that she had fibromyalgia and then told another girl at the barn that she had breast cancer, and then told the property owner that she had been diagnosed with OCD… I am a psych major and my best friend is a nurse, and neither of us could see any signs of any of the above. She *did* compulsively pop random pain meds, though, and this we saw.

She got herself asked to leave when she called Animal Control on me and the barn property owner (whom I rent from) because we “didn’t water our horses” (really? My horses have never been without water a day in their lives). I was baffled, I have never had a beef with her besides snapping at her once when she took her obese pasture-puff mare on an 8 hour trail ride with no prior conditioning.

When the property owner and I decided she had to go, we compared stories and I discovered that Crazy Boarder had been seen going into my horses’ stalls when I wasn’t around. On top of that, she had re-named all of my horses and called them by their “real” names because the names I had given them were “dumb” and she didn’t like them. WTF???

Naturally when we asked her to leave she played dumb, but moved her horse out that same evening. Thank goodness.

Advertisements

This is a true story submitted by a reader —

I thought my dream came true when I accepted the job of Office Manager of an Arabian horse farm.

Rule #1– NEVER ignore red flags when you have them hitting you in the face. When I had my interview, they forgot to tell me there was a security gate with a code to allow access. After a long wait, I climbed over the fence to rouse the stall cleaners to ask how to open the gate. After waking them up from their naps, I was given the code. I enter the home of the owners to the sound of BLARING religious music. A large dog (the breed that ate those people in San Francisco) gave me the evil eye. The owner baby talks the dog in to “staying”. 

After the interview, I felt the evil breath of this dog as it almost bit me as I was headed out the door. I made a mental note to NEVER enter that house again with that dog loose!  (a year later this dog attacked and seriously injured an employee but owner refused to have dog put to sleep since he was her soul mate) I agreed to the job because I felt that these were nice people with a super facility, but sadly uneducated about horses. I could come to the rescue! I will SAVE them from themselves and we will all be happy….

I learned right away that when people do not KNOW they need to be saved, they are resistant to being saved. Case in point: Their “trainer” routinely beat the horses over the head with a PVC pipe. He hardly ever showed up for work and could not ride out of a paper bag. For these duties, he was paid $1000 a WEEK. Cash. Plus a free house. I tried, in a politically correct way, to teach Crazy Medicated Farm Owner (CMFO) what correct riding looked like with carefully strewn magazines, pix, videos to share, etc. She said earnestly that Trainer was sent to her by God and was so blessed to have said trainer. I tried to teach CMFO that it is NOT a good idea to let the general public ride on her property in flip flops on barely broke horses.

I gave her my Stable Management magazine with the big headline ‘Liability In The Barn” on the cover. I tried to teach CMFO that all the horses needed basic handling- leading, tying, grooming, and it was NOT ok for all the horses to lunge at you with their teeth or kick you when you entered their stall. I was informed in a shrill voice that “I did not understand Arabians, they are WARHORSES and you cannot break their spirit….”  She said NONE of her horses acted that way, but refused to take me up on my offer to escort her to the barn to go into aforementioned stalls… I tried to help the barn help by advising them to never, ever listen to this fool woman, who taught them that when a stallion BITES your shoulder it meant he was “submitting to you” and “accepted your spirit”… Needless to say, at this point, I knew being at this nuthouse was not for me. You had to play the game and ride the gravy train, and not question ANYTHING . No thanks. I did finally see the end of the gravy train ride of the Trainer. He was fired when he caused a leased stallion to be killed. No, he was not fired simply because the horse was killed. He was fired because” he lied to CMFO and hurt her feelings…” Red Flags are your friend!!

I worked at a fairly large show and lesson barn on Long Island back in the mid-80’s. The Psycho Of The Year (POTY) was a woman (mmmm, maybe mid-40’s-ish) who had taken eight lessons at the barn. Was then convinced she knew it all and bought herself a horse. A 3-year old Arab/Thoroughbred cross. She got him real cheap because he was an “oops” the Arabian breeder wanted gone. He was gorgeous!!!!! Deep chestnut, blaze, chrome, the whole shmear. What a waste on that woman.

POTY would put him in cross ties to groom. He’d start pawing the dirt aisle, digging a friggin’ hole to China. IF she did anything, she stick her steel-toed boot in front of his leg, kick him in the canon and baby-talk say “Staaahhhp Dobbin, Staaahp it.” Oh barf.

One day she’d ride English. The next western. Never could make up her mind. Slammed on his back. Yanked him in the mouth. Then wondered why he’d take off with her in the arena…all the while she’d be baby-shrieking “Staaaaaahhhpp!!! Oh you’re such a naughty, naughty horsie.”

The final straw came when the barn manager caught her jumping him in a private ring over 3 foot. I think the one-way conversation went something like this:

“GET THE “F” OFF THAT HORSE NOW. YOU’RE DONE HERE. I WON’T STAND BY AND WATCH YOU RUIN THAT HORSE!!!!!”

She was gone the next day. Heard that Dobbin sold for $200 about a month later….total rogue, attacked her and put her in the hospital

One of the farms that I used to board at/teach at/work for did pony parties to the general public. The party would last for a couple of hours. Basically they got the indoor arena, bleachers, and use of the 4 ponies. This was a total of 200.00 for the party. I had just got done teaching a lesson and was getting ready to go home. The mom came up to me and asked me if CBM was here. I am like..umm…no…she is out of town. The woman is like I sent her a check and my 5 year old’s birthda is today. We are having a bunch of kids showing up in 1/2 an hour and what am I supposed to do.

I told her I will be right back…

Grabbed my phone and started to call the CBM to find out where she was. She texted me and is like..oops I forgot about it. Can you do it and I will give you the money. Um..ok…

So..the birthday party went well and I had some of the teenagers help me. I physically can not lead 4 ponies at one time. Not enough arms.

Two hours later the CBM showed up and told me..oops..I am not going to give you the money because the teenager’s helped you. :slamminghead: against floor.

Having been in the horse industry for a number of years the number of crazies out there never ceases to amaze me. This can range from a BM that will not feed a horse grain on Sundays or a farm that doesn’t believe in cleaning stalls on days that begin with S. So this blog will share these stories and provide some much needed humor and laughter in our world today.

All names will be changed to protect our innocent equines.